


Wednesday

by mrhiddles



Series: These Aren't Dark Times [High School Verse] [4]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, M/M, POV Loki (Marvel), References to Drugs, Transgender, ftm Loki, trans loki, transgender loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 20:04:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14776374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrhiddles/pseuds/mrhiddles
Summary: “I’m an idiot,” Loki says to the room at large.





	Wednesday

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to come out of left field if you haven't read any of the other previous installments in this series!

That night, Loki wakes up shaking, legs tangled in the sheets. He shoves them off to fall on the floor, feels his shirt is damp from sweat. His heart is hammering, too fast with the vivid memory of the dream. He’d managed to pull himself out before anything really bad replayed in his mind, but the feeling lingers. Something dark and nagging.

Laufey, laughing. Laufey, his fists heavy, his grin too wide. Laufey, with blood on his face, his mother cowering in the corner, shaking, a needle hovering in the air, being prepped—

Loki wrenches the shirt he’s wearing over his head and across the room almost violently. The sweatpants go next and then it’s just him, sitting up in bed, cold, in his underwear. Thor always teases him for wearing too much to bed but what choice did he have?

A quick glance at his phone tells him it’s almost four in the morning. It’s Wednesday. Thor will be up soon for lacrosse practice, so he has maybe an hour at most. He hurries to the door, careful to keep his steps quiet, listening for anything at the threshold.

Frigga is asleep in her room downstairs. Thor’s room is across from his, framing the staircase to the second floor. His door is open but it’s dark inside and Loki hears nothing. He takes his chance and, avoiding the creaky upper floor floorboards, he hurries into the bathroom.

The lock clicks shut and his fingers ache with how hard he’s gripping it. His heart hasn’t calmed any.

Loki turns and twists the knob for the bath to fill with hot water. He adds in some of Thor’s bubble bath, because yes, his ridiculous bro—friend—roommate?—likes to take bubble baths. He’s always telling Loki to relax with one, but this will be his first.

He sighs and shimmies out of his underwear. He turns back around to prod at his face, trying to spot any new acne, or facial hair. The doctor had said it would be a few months, but Frigga had told him she could already see a little difference.

But Loki catches his own stare in the mirror and stops. He just stares. Stares at the slightly too long black hair he needs to ask Frigga to trim for him soon. Stares at the jawline he’s been rubbing for weeks, trying to feel for anything more than peach fuzz. The bony shoulders, the small biceps outlined by equally small triceps. The ribs that show under his pale skin as he pulls his breasts this way and that. The patch of hair above his lean thighs. The round calves that remind him to stop walking home all the time _otherwise they’ll get even rounder and ugh why does it fucking matter if his hips look like that too—_

Loki runs his hands through his hair and counts to ten like Frigga told him to do. Breathes in and out. Reminds himself his name is Loki. And no one can tell him any different.

\--

He’s not eighteen yet, but Frigga lets him administer his own shots anyway. _Because I trust you_ , she’d told him, after he’d argued that he didn’t want her to do them for him.

Loki removes the cap with the bend of his arm, eyes his ass in the mirror after his bath and watches with a glazed look as the needle sinks in. Less than a minute passes and then he’s rubbing the spot, already lamenting the bruise that’ll show up before the day is done. He’s a few hours early but he can hear Thor shuffling in the hall, likely impatient for the chance to use the toilet.

Loki remembers the conversation they had following school the day before. Wonders if Thor will try and avoid him—

“Loki come on. You never hog the bathroom this early,” comes Thor’s groggy voice after a gentle knock.

It’s five in the morning and Loki flounders. He hurriedly wraps a large towel around himself, tucked firmly underneath his arms, before opening the door and braving the tornado that is Thor in the morning.

Thor scowls at him as he shuffles out and Loki shoves at him with an elbow. Thor shoves back, groaning something that might be a laugh as he makes his way in and closes the door behind him.

Loki allows himself a small smile until he gets safely into the center of his room, door locked and towel dropped as he searches for clean underwear.

He forgot.

He forgot to clean up.

The needle and cap were still on the counter, the sticky wrap of the casing left in the sink, discarded when he’d opened the new syringe. The bottle of testosterone was on the edge by the soap, closed again. All waiting to be put back.

But then Thor had knocked, and Loki got distracted. He’d felt off ever since he woke up shaking. Now he’s made possibly the largest mistake of his young life. Thor doesn’t know. He doesn’t know any of it. Frigga had promised him months ago, before he’d even moved in, well before she signed his papers, that it was Loki’s secret to allow people in on when he so chose. But now, now Thor would be confused. He’d likely think it was drugs like Loki’s parents. That Loki was going back on his word.

Worse, if he _knew_ what the label on the bottle meant, and he likely would—Thor wasn’t stupid, he aced any science class he ever took—he’d think Loki was a freak. He’d think Loki was a liar and a freak, and someone trying to play him. He’d likely take back his protection of him in the locker room, might think it was— _justified—_

Loki jumps as someone knocks on his door. It can’t possibly be Frigga at this hour. So he knows Thor has come to ridicule him right away—come to massacre any friendship Loki had barely managed to hold onto with him—

“Loki?” Thor calls. Loki can’t tell the tone of his voice.

He hurries to find clothes, any clothes to put on. “One minute, jesus—” He trips into his sweatpants but manages to get to the door in record time if he does say so himself.

Loki refuses to be belittled in a home that he considers his too (now), so he meets Thor’s eyes head-on, expecting the worst.

But Thor just looks freshly showered, long blond hair wet and dripping onto his bare chest, a towel around his waist. His eyes seem less sleepy but there’s no malice there.

“What?”

Thor shushes him. “Keep it down, you’ll wake Mom.” Loki blinks at that. “You doing okay?”

What, does he want to know how much he has to knock Loki down?

At Loki’s silence he rolls his eyes. He moves his free arm up and Loki realizes he’s not once looked down. “You forgot your things. I didn’t want to accidentally flush anything, or spill it. You know?”

Thor holds up a small bowl with Loki’s supplies in it. The cap is back on the needle and Loki thinks _Idiot, I throw that away_ and then _Wait, what?_

Loki accepts the bowl dumbly, thoughts misfiring. Thor just shakes his head and looks at him like he’s weird. Then, “Don’t forget, I’m walking you home the rest of this week, so wait for me after class. I might be late today because of a test though, so I’ll meet you by Fletcher’s.”

Then he does a semi-sleepy half smile and gently closes Loki’s door for him again.

Thor is…fine. He’s fine.

“I’m an idiot,” Loki says to the room at large.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is different from what I've written before, and I'd love to know what you think so far!


End file.
